Thoughts

So, the Lord has showed me some things lately, because He's refreshing like that. For one thing, He's reminded me that my faith is not some list of rules and regulations (although there are some serious do's and do not's in His word). I've really examined my motives and driving forces, and He's reminded me that I should act out of my love and passion for Him. I should not have to say, "Did I read my Bible? Check. Pray? Check. Spend time investing in someone? Check. Tithe? Check." But I should do these things out of love for Him. There's another part of that- I can't discipline myself to be a "good" follower of Christ. By that I mean I can't depend on my self-discipline or my own will to follow and obey God. The best way to explain that thought is with examples. Often I think, "I shouldn't think like that because it's impure and I feel guilty," rather than, "Because I love the Lord I'm not going to indulge in that thought because I desire to please Him." Or, "I shouldn't say that word because it's not nice and if somebody hears me I'll be a bad example," instead of, "Because I'm passionate about God I'm going to follow His word and only speak what is edifying." Or this one: "I guess I'll read my Bible because I'm a Christian and that's what everybody says I should do," rather than, "I want to fall more in love with the Creator of the universe, so I'm gonna get to know Him better through His love letter to me." Then there's this one that gets me over and over and over again- "I'll just try and work really hard to do it myself, " instead of trusting Him and believing that God cares deeply for me and will provide my every need. I've realized that I have to stop depending on me, and start trusting Him. I have got to quit asking,"Why?" and start basking in His love. I have to let Him love me, and just be grateful for it. That same idea applies in a couple of my other relationships too..... I have to stop looking for some other motive and start saying "Thank you." One of the biggest things the Lord has told me is that He doesn't fit in some box I mold for Him. My finite mind doesn't grasp the full greatness of God. It's liberating, but difficult, to realize that God doesn't make sense, He's not logical by any means. Sometimes, He's a mystery (in fact, a lot of the time He is). I can't even elaborate on that because I don't fully grasp it and don't have the vocabulary for it.I've been studying Daniel lately, and I want a faith like that. Why do I have to question so much? What if I really believed the stuff I read and even preach? What if I had faith of a mustard seed? What could the Lord do with me? If I were truly passionate about following Christ and being like Him, what kind of person would that make me? It would make me wierd (ok, wierder). I would be in great opposition to a lot of what the world says and practices, and wouldn't it be obvious? Here's a sobering thought: without me saying and proclaiming it, would people know I'm a disciple of Christ? Sadly, and to be brutally honest, most likely not. So, what do I do about that? Maybe I just make myself available for God and say "Here I am Lord, use me." Here's the catch- then I obey. What a thought- I might actually have to get up and do something, something uncomfortable. Am I willing? That's the million dollar question.This question was posed to me the other day: What potential is there for the disciples of Christ as a whole? Let me explain. We were talking about some other denominations, for example Jehova's Witnesses or Mormons. We were talking about how committed and devoted they are. Why? Because they actually believe the things they talk about. What if we as followers of Christ actually believed what we preach? What if we each individually fully committed to the Lord and made ourselves available and obedient? What if we had a burning love and passion for Christ? Granted, a lot of those other denominations are going to Hell in a paper bag, but at least they've got that passion thing down. We've got the answer, for crying out loud! Why don't we live passionately?On a much more minor note, the Lord has also impressed on me that I can be whoever I want to be. I don't have to fit in a box or a category. I've decided to try some new stuff this summer, and guess what! I like it! I've decided that I will be who I want to be, but I have to get up and go do it and be it. My character is not set in stone and I can keep adding on to it all the time. I can discover new things, new talents, abilities, and passions, and let the Lord continually reshape me. Not gonna lie, it's pretty fun.