cheesy, thank you disney

Some day my prince will come
Some day we'll meet again
And away to his castle we'll go
To be happy forever I know
Some day when spring is here
We'll find our love anew
And the birds will sing
And wedding bells will ring
Some day when my dreams come true

So I'm a cheeseball and was reading some blog about a woman and her husband. She was blogging about something her husband did for her and it was so sweet it made my heart smile. I've been singing this good 'ol little Disney song to myself for a while now and it makes me just wonder who God is bringing to me. It's fun to wonder what the One will be like- what will he look like? What will he be passionate about? What will he show me about relationship with Christ? What will be his talents? I look forward to how he will treat me, and I pray that he will equally admire and love me as much as I do him. It's fun to dream and to make requests to the Lord. So, someday my prince will come, but right now I'm delighting in the King of Kings.

foolishness

I never really understood what a fool was until recently. I've come to realize it annoys me when people act really immaturely, even (or especially) old people. There is far more to this life than the superficial and shallow; it is so much deeper and richer. I'm talking about true foolishness, not being goofy and having a good time every now and then. Life is so much more than a social scene, or putting on a face or being fake. I want authenticity! Honesty! Being real! There has got to be depth and growth. Life is not a show where you play some part everybody else picks out for you, it is about being exactly who God has created you to be. Why can't more people see that? What is this business about putting on an act or a facade? It drives me insane.

hmmm

you ever feel like nobody understands? well heck, what about when you don't even understand yourself!? i was so sure, but clearly i was wrong... how can you know something so deeply and then it turns out to be a lie? i just want to know why; just to know what happened... i can't fix something if i don't know why it's broken. and why is it so hard to let go? how can i still be so angry, and hurt, and at the same time want what was? it doesn't add up...
and nobody gets it. i don't need to hear you tear him down, or "just let go." you don't stop loving somebody in a few days! and if you do, then there's a problem. or maybe that is the issue- how do you wake up one day and say, "hm, i think i'm done with this person..." !? that is NOT true love. and fear is not a good enough excuse.

Nobody Else KnowsBuilding 429

My world is closing in, on the inside, but I’m not showing it.
When all I am is crying outI hold it in and fake a smile, still I’m broken, I’m broken.
Only One can understand, and only One can hold the hand of the broken, of the broken.
When no one else knows how I feel Your love for me is proven real.
When no one else cares where I’ve been, You run to me with outstretched hands, and You hold me in your arms again.
I need no explanation of why me, I just need confirmation.
Only You could understand the emptiness inside my head. I am falling, I am falling. I’m falling down upon my knees, to find the one who gives me peace.
I am flying, Lord I am flying.
When no one else knows how I feel, Your love for me is proven real.
When no one else cares where I’ve been, You run to me with outstretched hands and You hold me in Your arms again.
I have come to you in search of faith cause I can’t see beyond this place.
Oh You are God and I am man, so I’ll leave it in Your hands.

"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning, great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I hope in Him!' The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth. Let him sit alone and keep silent, because God has laid it on him, let him put his mouth in the dust- there may yet be hope. Let him give his cheek to the one who strikes him, and be full of reproach. For the Lord will not cast off forever. Though He causes grief, yet He will show compassion according to the multitude of His mercies. For He does not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children of men... Let us search out and examine our ways and turn back to the Lord, let us lift our hearts and hands to God in Heaven. We have transgressed and rebelled, You have not pardoned... I called on Your name, O Lord, from the lowest pit. You have heard my voice: 'Do not hide Your ear from my sighing, from my cry for help.' You drew near on the day I called on You and said, 'Do not fear.' O Lord, You have pleaded the case for my soul, You have redeemed my life."

Lamentations 3:22-66 (somewhere in there)

Thoughts

So, the Lord has showed me some things lately, because He's refreshing like that. For one thing, He's reminded me that my faith is not some list of rules and regulations (although there are some serious do's and do not's in His word). I've really examined my motives and driving forces, and He's reminded me that I should act out of my love and passion for Him. I should not have to say, "Did I read my Bible? Check. Pray? Check. Spend time investing in someone? Check. Tithe? Check." But I should do these things out of love for Him. There's another part of that- I can't discipline myself to be a "good" follower of Christ. By that I mean I can't depend on my self-discipline or my own will to follow and obey God. The best way to explain that thought is with examples. Often I think, "I shouldn't think like that because it's impure and I feel guilty," rather than, "Because I love the Lord I'm not going to indulge in that thought because I desire to please Him." Or, "I shouldn't say that word because it's not nice and if somebody hears me I'll be a bad example," instead of, "Because I'm passionate about God I'm going to follow His word and only speak what is edifying." Or this one: "I guess I'll read my Bible because I'm a Christian and that's what everybody says I should do," rather than, "I want to fall more in love with the Creator of the universe, so I'm gonna get to know Him better through His love letter to me." Then there's this one that gets me over and over and over again- "I'll just try and work really hard to do it myself, " instead of trusting Him and believing that God cares deeply for me and will provide my every need. I've realized that I have to stop depending on me, and start trusting Him. I have got to quit asking,"Why?" and start basking in His love. I have to let Him love me, and just be grateful for it. That same idea applies in a couple of my other relationships too..... I have to stop looking for some other motive and start saying "Thank you." One of the biggest things the Lord has told me is that He doesn't fit in some box I mold for Him. My finite mind doesn't grasp the full greatness of God. It's liberating, but difficult, to realize that God doesn't make sense, He's not logical by any means. Sometimes, He's a mystery (in fact, a lot of the time He is). I can't even elaborate on that because I don't fully grasp it and don't have the vocabulary for it.I've been studying Daniel lately, and I want a faith like that. Why do I have to question so much? What if I really believed the stuff I read and even preach? What if I had faith of a mustard seed? What could the Lord do with me? If I were truly passionate about following Christ and being like Him, what kind of person would that make me? It would make me wierd (ok, wierder). I would be in great opposition to a lot of what the world says and practices, and wouldn't it be obvious? Here's a sobering thought: without me saying and proclaiming it, would people know I'm a disciple of Christ? Sadly, and to be brutally honest, most likely not. So, what do I do about that? Maybe I just make myself available for God and say "Here I am Lord, use me." Here's the catch- then I obey. What a thought- I might actually have to get up and do something, something uncomfortable. Am I willing? That's the million dollar question.This question was posed to me the other day: What potential is there for the disciples of Christ as a whole? Let me explain. We were talking about some other denominations, for example Jehova's Witnesses or Mormons. We were talking about how committed and devoted they are. Why? Because they actually believe the things they talk about. What if we as followers of Christ actually believed what we preach? What if we each individually fully committed to the Lord and made ourselves available and obedient? What if we had a burning love and passion for Christ? Granted, a lot of those other denominations are going to Hell in a paper bag, but at least they've got that passion thing down. We've got the answer, for crying out loud! Why don't we live passionately?On a much more minor note, the Lord has also impressed on me that I can be whoever I want to be. I don't have to fit in a box or a category. I've decided to try some new stuff this summer, and guess what! I like it! I've decided that I will be who I want to be, but I have to get up and go do it and be it. My character is not set in stone and I can keep adding on to it all the time. I can discover new things, new talents, abilities, and passions, and let the Lord continually reshape me. Not gonna lie, it's pretty fun.

eh

Ever have one of those days that didn't go bad, but wasn't so hot either? Today was one of those days.... Rest is nice, but too much rest is boring, lol.

reflection

So today I went through some of my old journals and it was a very interesting experience. Let me back up- I like to journal about the things I read in my Bible and write down my prayers. So today I re-read some of the old ones. It was sweet to see how far God has brought me and how many prayers He has answered since high school. He is such a good and wise God, and I see how He was preparing me and maturing me in my faith all those years. He knows so much better how to take care of my life than I do. I'm looking forward to looking back at the things I'm writing about now to see how God works in my life.

1st Blog!

So this is my first blog.... I'm not really sure what to write...... So I guess I'll just start with a brief intro about me!
I'm 20 (I feel old! When did that happen and how do I make it stop!?), I'm a biology pre-med student at Baylor, and I'm also studying a religion minor, which I'm really excited about. I love my family- my parents are great and my "little" brother is my best friend, and I don't really know any other family quite like us. I have wonderful friends who know the real me and love me regardless. They teach me a lot about who I am and who I want to be. I have the best boyfriend in the whole world! That kid is my match and I love him to death. But, the biggest part of my life is Jesus. I gave my heart and life to Him when I was 10, but I got really serious my junior year in high school. Jesus is my world, although I'm human and unfortunately don't always show it. But I strive to follow Christ with all that I am and with all my heart, and it's something I have to take one day at a time. He gave it all for me, the least I can do is give my life back.
On that note, I'm gonna talk about what's really been on my heart and mind lately. I've been given the opportunity to work with and beside our youth this summer. I don't know when God built that desire and passion in me, but before I knew what was coming out of my mouth I was volunteering for the position! The past 3 weeks have been an absolute blast! Right now we're small- only about 8 or 9 kids, but they're great. I see so much potential in them, and it is the desire of my heart that they would see it in themselves. If they hear nothing else I say this entire summer, I hope they understand that they are each uniquely designed by God, and He has a plan for each of them. Right now they're all pretty young, just beginning junior high or high school, which is a pretty crazy and shaky time. I can kind of see that they're not quite comfortable in their own skin; they're still kind of unsure of who and what they want to be. And that's where my "job" is so exciting! It is my prayer that God will use me as His mouthpiece this summer, that He would speak through me, not my words but His, to show them who they are in Christ. I want them to be strong in their convictions and beliefs, and I pray that those beliefs are based on Scripture. I want them to learn how to think for themselves instead of being tossed about like chaff in the wind (Psalm 1). It is the desire of my heart for them to read and explore the Bible so they can learn the character of God and imitate Him above anything else. My prayer is that the Lord will give them high hopes and dreams, and then show them that through Him they can do anything. I want them to be bold and empowered for Christ. I believe this generation can rise up and make a difference, but only when they make themselves available to God. He continuously shows me His power and love, and I just want to share that with others.



Give me one pure and holy passion. Give me one magnificent obsession. Give me one glorious ambition for my life, to know and follow hard after you. To know and follow hard after you. To grow as Your disciple in Your truth. This world is empty, pale, and poor compared to knowing You my Lord, lead me on and I will run after You. Lead me on, and I will run after You.

(One of my favorite songs.)