covenant

I've been considering a lot lately the idea of willfully walking with somebody even if it opens you up to the possibility of getting hurt. What would it look like to stick by a person even if you knew it would bring frequent heartache, disappointment, and loads of frustration? There are people in my life that I feel like I need to pursue with the love of the Lord even if it rips my heart out. There are friends in my world that I know are going to let me down over and over and over and over again, but I also know it's because they need Jesus. I know they need to be pursued with real love, even if it kills me. But my question is can I truly embody the love of Christ? Can I be Jesus in the flesh to somebody else? Can you imagine being Christ? The man took on the sins, faults, wrong-doings, pain, heartache, hate, ugliness, shortcomings, anger, etc, etc, etc, of ALL of humanity. What if I tried to do that with just a handful of my loved ones? I know I'm not strong enough to do it on my own because it would break my heart, but if I stay centered on Jesus maybe He can do it through me. I know a LOT of people would never understand this concept because we are so ingrained with the idea of looking out for number one, protecting ourselves, but that's ok because a lot of people didn't understand a lot of what Jesus said either.
Ooooh, I just want my people to know what I know, to have what I have, to love Who I love. He is so good, all the time. He will never let us down, and that's why I want to trust Him with this idea. It will NOT be an easy road and it probably takes a lot of sacrifice and patience, because people are not always willing to meet halfway. I need people to give and to let go and to open themselves up, and I believe it is possible with God, He is big enough. I think I would rather be an open book than to have a guarded heart cut off from others. Having said that, I know we are called to guard our hearts for out of it springs the issues of life (Prov. 4:23), but maybe that means I just let the Lord have and control my heart and He does as He pleases with it....I don't know but I'm sure He will show me when it's time.

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Is it too much to want it all? I just want the best, the most fulfilled life I can have. At the end of the day I want to know I did my best, that I really tried. I want to know that I poured myself out and that I embodied love. I want to be inspired and to inspire others. I want to be strong and confident, able to take care of myself. I want to be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove. I want to give everday. I want to be understanding and level-headed. I want to be fun and funny, to bring joy to others. I will not lay down and die, but I want to live like I've never been hurt. I want to be loved. Really loved. I feel like that's not too much to ask, but I could be wrong. Let's back up, I know I'm loved, but I mean romantically. Ugh, why is this such a big deal? Why such a struggle, especially for girls...? Why are boys so fickle and complicated? I don't get it. But, that's ok because I know I just need to trust God. I know He's got a plan and a way, and it's probably a lot better than what I can do. So, here's to trusting Him.