Day 4

I dislike being mean, but I've made an observation. Out of the 70 something matches I've received, about 9 have communicated with me so far, but they're guys I wouldn't really go for in "real life."
How important do you think it is to be physically attracted to a potential date/partner/ whatever you want to call it?

Day 2-3

The scientist in me is coming out. I want to look at this site I'm using and crunch numbers- haha! Here goes: I've been matched with 68 people so far and about half of them have viewed my profile. 9 of those 32 have sent me icebreaker questions. (Yes I realize 32 is not half of 68, hence the word "about.") And I have a strategy :)
At this point, I'm pretty much answering everybody's questions and trying not to judge them based on a goofy online profile. I was discussing with my dad that a person can be anyone or anything they want to be online and I wouldn't want someone making snap judgements about me based on about 10 things I've posted on the internet. So, this is all about being open-minded. Not to mention patient. Apparently these guys don't answer as quickly as some of us...
If we're being completely real, I'm still not taking this whole thing very seriously. It almost feels like a big game or joke, but an expensive one! Then I think about who is on the other end of this deal, and it's no game or joke to play with people's hearts and hopes. I'm still praying about how this all works and how it will go, so stay tuned!

And So It Begins

I'm getting old. I just turned 24 yesterday and my biological clock is ticking apparently. I would love to get married and have a family but it's looking less and less likely at this point in my life, so I've put a lot of thought into online dating.

I used to laugh hysterically at the online dating commercials and think, "Wow, desperate." Then I moved back to Odessa after college. Slim pickings. I love Jesus, so I'm looking for a man who loves Jesus more than he will love me. Problem is, I also love my church and there are about zero single men my age there. I also work at a very small school with no single men. So, I pretty much have no opportunity to meet single guys because the bar scene is not really my thing.

I'm a bit conflicted because I'm pretty sure God is big enough to bring me whoever He has for me whenever He's ready, but curiosity got the best of me. I made an account on a very publicized dating site and discovered that there are nice guys in my general vicinity that I probably would never meet otherwise. So, I sought the counsel of my parents and a couple of very trusted friends, paid for the subscription, and here we go! One of my advisers suggested I blog about my experience, so that's what I'm doing.

Day 1
Over the last week or 2 I have been matched with about 60 men, and have received icebreaker questions from about 7 of them. There are a wide variety of guys- lots of military and ministry and pretty much all of them claim to know and love Jesus. Some of them are musicians, most of them are sports enthusiasts, and a lot of them seem pretty fun.

I'm feeling pretty optimistic and wondering where all of this will go.
We shall see!

it's late

"If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20Remember the word that I said to you: 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. 21But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me. 22If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have been guilty of sin,but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 Whoever hates me hates my Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the works that no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin, but now they have seen and hated both me and my Father. 25But the word that is written in their Law must be fulfilled: 'They hated me without a cause.'

26"But when the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness about me. 27And you also will bear witness, because you have been with me from the beginning." John 15: 18-27

To be really short and sweet, because I haven't really processed it all yet, I tire of Christians who think that our journey with Christ is a walk in the park. He suffered to save us and grant us salvation, and we think our lives are suddenly supposed to be easy. I wonder if we think we're somehow entitled to a life with no real burdens or pain. Not so. This passage is proof that we will face hard times, but our suffering is for His glory and our good. (I stole that last bit from my college pastor...) I won't pretend to know what that looks like, but I'll stand (ok, sit) here as a testimony and say that the worst times in my life have been the times of the most growth. Those are the moments when the Lord tells me, "Let Me handle this; I can do more with it than you can." Those are the moments I know that He is good and faithful, all the time. It's in those moments that I know His love.

(I'll ponder this some more and get back to it...)

dreams

"'Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops."- Matthew 10:27

I'm a pretty big fan of dreaming big dreams (not the sleeping kind, the "life" kind). I firmly believe that God gives every person very specific wishes, desires, dreams, and goals and He does it for a purpose. If you read Psalm 139 it is quite clear that the Lord has a plan for every life (or if, like the rest of the world, you read Jeremiah 29:11 out of context). I like to think that God accomplishes His plan when we follow and pursue the dreams He grants us. I will never understand why people walk away from their heart's desire and settle for something less. Don't get me wrong, I understand that life happens and sometimes interferes. I definitely understand there are bills to pay, mouths to feed, responsibilities, and difficult choices to make. I also understand that my Father is bigger than all of those things and that He can do absolutely anything He chooses. So why do we settle when we could walk in faith? God is far too powerful and creative for that. I absolutely adore the fact that He is a God of diversity and He is multi-dimensional. I love that He gives everybody different hopes, dreams, abilities, and opportunities. I love that one person's "great" may be somebody else's "mediocre." And I love most that He makes a way. Nothing is too big for my God.
However, let's clarify. This is not a "name it and claim it" kind of thing. I'm not saying that God grants us every little thing we may ask for, but when our will is in accordance with His will and when it's His perfect timing He answers. Notice that I said our will lines up with His, not the other way around. In my experience, the Lord knows far better what He's doing in and with my life than I do.
My main point is an exhortation to never give up. Let us be a people who do not bury our dreams and walk away from the desires of our hearts because they are there for a reason. Let us be a generation that consults with the Lord about the dreams He gives us. I hope that we ask for a passion and when He gives us one that we follow it. I pray that someday we'll stop making excuses, grow some faith, and step out trusting that God knows exactly what He's doing.

covenant

I've been considering a lot lately the idea of willfully walking with somebody even if it opens you up to the possibility of getting hurt. What would it look like to stick by a person even if you knew it would bring frequent heartache, disappointment, and loads of frustration? There are people in my life that I feel like I need to pursue with the love of the Lord even if it rips my heart out. There are friends in my world that I know are going to let me down over and over and over and over again, but I also know it's because they need Jesus. I know they need to be pursued with real love, even if it kills me. But my question is can I truly embody the love of Christ? Can I be Jesus in the flesh to somebody else? Can you imagine being Christ? The man took on the sins, faults, wrong-doings, pain, heartache, hate, ugliness, shortcomings, anger, etc, etc, etc, of ALL of humanity. What if I tried to do that with just a handful of my loved ones? I know I'm not strong enough to do it on my own because it would break my heart, but if I stay centered on Jesus maybe He can do it through me. I know a LOT of people would never understand this concept because we are so ingrained with the idea of looking out for number one, protecting ourselves, but that's ok because a lot of people didn't understand a lot of what Jesus said either.
Ooooh, I just want my people to know what I know, to have what I have, to love Who I love. He is so good, all the time. He will never let us down, and that's why I want to trust Him with this idea. It will NOT be an easy road and it probably takes a lot of sacrifice and patience, because people are not always willing to meet halfway. I need people to give and to let go and to open themselves up, and I believe it is possible with God, He is big enough. I think I would rather be an open book than to have a guarded heart cut off from others. Having said that, I know we are called to guard our hearts for out of it springs the issues of life (Prov. 4:23), but maybe that means I just let the Lord have and control my heart and He does as He pleases with it....I don't know but I'm sure He will show me when it's time.

more

Is it too much to want it all? I just want the best, the most fulfilled life I can have. At the end of the day I want to know I did my best, that I really tried. I want to know that I poured myself out and that I embodied love. I want to be inspired and to inspire others. I want to be strong and confident, able to take care of myself. I want to be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove. I want to give everday. I want to be understanding and level-headed. I want to be fun and funny, to bring joy to others. I will not lay down and die, but I want to live like I've never been hurt. I want to be loved. Really loved. I feel like that's not too much to ask, but I could be wrong. Let's back up, I know I'm loved, but I mean romantically. Ugh, why is this such a big deal? Why such a struggle, especially for girls...? Why are boys so fickle and complicated? I don't get it. But, that's ok because I know I just need to trust God. I know He's got a plan and a way, and it's probably a lot better than what I can do. So, here's to trusting Him.